Feeling stressed, run down and overcome by anxiety? Time to step back and get your life in balance. Here are some tried and true ways to get yourself back on an even keel.
Are you in the Wrong Relationship?
It’s easy to overlook your partner’s flaws when the relationship is new and hot and heavy. But, when the excitement starts to wane and the star-dust fades, that’s when you’re going to discover whether your relationship really works. You may find yourself a lot less forgiving about your partner’s annoying habits and niggling eccentricities. Here are a few red flags to let you know it could be time to move on.
- Are you constantly wondering what your partner is up to when you’re not with them? Are you checking the smart phone, eavesdropping on conversations? Suspicious minds are a sure relationship killer. If you can’t trust them, you shouldn’t be with them.
- It’s not a good sign if you’re worried about introducing your partner to friends and family. Not everyone is going to like your boyfriend or girlfriend; however, if most of the people you value have a negative opinion of them, chances are you should listen. It’s not fun feeling isolated and defensive.
- Good relationships should build you up not put you down. So if you’re getting one too many nit-picking criticisms in the guise of a joke than it’s time to put your foot down. Repeated Passive aggressive remarks are unhealthy in any relationship. They deflate your confidence and under mind trust.
- As Billy Joel said “Don’t go changing to try to please me’. If you feel the need to change or mould your values, beliefs even clothing to make your partner happy, the relationship will ultimately fail. Remember, if you’re not happy with you, no one else will be either.
- Wandering eyes lead to wondering minds leads to wandering partners. I wouldn’t want my husband to stop me from appreciating the occasional passing hunk, but that appreciation shouldn’t be too obvious or too often otherwise you need to ask yourself why you’re considering other options.Let’s talk about sex…or lack there of… Yes, your relationship is not all about the physical but you do need chemistry to keep the fire going. The key is finding the right balance and if there is no action or too much for your liking, than perhaps it’s not the right connection. Look for the package that includes both love and sex.
- And finally the obvious: You’re actually questioning whether you’re in the right relationship! So many of us don’t listen to our inner voice. We also ignore big signs that things are wrong. Think about all the mental notes you’ve made about your partner and articulate them before either one of you gets hurt. You could save yourself a lot of time and effort.
Not to belittle the laughs we have all enjoyed on You Tube, but I am happy to say that today has marked the launch of the new ad free video app Wonder PL (Apple, coming to android soon) that offers inspiring lifestyle alternatives to what you may find elsewhere on the web. It looks great, is easy to navigate and you will feel grateful to have so much knowledge and beauty at the click of your fingers. Whether it’s music, art, wellness, food, beauty, adventure, media and so much more, it’s all there and easily accessible. Furthermore, you can build your own collection of videos and share them with others.
For those with discerning taste, this is a fabulous, innovative, streamlined video platform. We have the dynamic creative entrepreneur Sofia Fenichell to thank for aspiring to showcase enlightenment as opposed to mind numbing nonsense for video content. Fenichell is the class act, trendsetter that previously brought Rockpack to web surfers around the world. Now she’s refined her taste and look further with the sophisticated, high-end content of Wonder PL.
I’m proud to say I have a vested interest in Wonder PL as I am the Life Skills Coach for the app and hope to inspire, inform and encourage you to explore your life possibilities and passions through my good life advice powered by emotional intelligence.
So if you’re looking for quality lifestyle inspiration, download the wonderful, wonderous, Wonder LP app. This is You Tube for grown ups that will convert us from being video voyeurs to video connoisseurs. Demand more and you will get more. Fill your life with wonder!
Wonder PL and me!
As a coach, people often come to me when they feel they need to change. They feel stagnate in some way shape or form. Either it’s a pattern of behaviour, a plateau they can’t jump off or the everyday routine of life that makes them feel like they’re stuck in a groove. As Deepak Chopra says “The worst curse to befall anyone is stagnation, a banal existence, the quiet desperation that comes out of need for conformity.”
It’s fine to operate within your comfort zone, but before you get too cosy, remember change is often a good thing. Don’t conform to complacency. To make positive changes in life, you have to evolve. Don’t be ruled by fear. Step out of your comfort zone and take on things you find challenging.
Try something that you always wanted to do but were afraid to attempt for fear of failure. Go for that job that you may not be perfect for on paper but know you’d succeed in if you had the opportunity. Fake it ‘till you make it! Invite someone out that you’ve been admiring from a distance but were scared to ask. You never know what impact they may have on your life. Enlighten and empower yourself with knowledge. This will inspire you to move forward. Remind yourself of those less fortunate than you so that you don’t take life’s blessings for granted.
There’s comfort in routine and it plays an important part in a stable existence. However, routine shouldn’t stop you from achieving your dreams. Don’t stagnate. Life is too short for a long stall. Life is for living. Feeling like you didn’t live up to your potential can nag you for a lifetime. Keep on Moving.
Good life advice powered by emotional intelligence.
Photo by Daniel Hermy
Not long ago my husband asked me to write about something my male clients could identify with. His suggestion was:
What happens when your children leave home and you realise that they were the glue holding you and your wife together?
It’s a natural to marry people you think have good maternal/paternal instincts. After all, one of the main reasons people get married is to procreate. However, a good mother/father does not necessarily make a good lifetime companion something which dawns on people when they find themselves with an empty nest. My husband and I are rapidly approaching this stage in life and we are still relatively young and healthy. I wondered if his topic suggestion was a not so subtle hint?!? Hmmm.
Naturally, that transition from family life to me and you life is a major adjustment. It requires gradual and persistent preparation. Yes, sometimes when the children leave it becomes obvious to both parties that the fire is not on slow burn but no burn. Then it is time to part ways. No good comes from staying with someone you may respect but don’t love. “Till death do you part” is a hell of a long time. However, if you want to keep your love alive once the nest is empty, have a long-term game plan and start early.
Here are a few suggestions to help you keep your marriage foundation solid:
- It’s great to be independent but remember to regularly share your troubles and triumphs with your partner. Love is the foundation of a good marriage, but friendship and compromise will carry you a long way.
- Be an active listener and engage with your partner. How often do you actually listen to what your partner says? It’s easy to skim the surface of a conversation, but if you actually listen, you may head off trouble before it grows. Put the iPad down and look them in the eyes when you talk!
- Find mutual interests and engage in them. If you have faith, embrace it together.
- Don’t be afraid to seek counselling. Sage advice from an unbiased party can make cloudy skies clear.
- Let go of anger. It’s not easy to forgive and forget but a long-term undercurrent of anger will poison your partnership.
- Finally, sometimes you just have to embrace the madness that comes with marriage. If you thought about ‘til death do you part’ every time you hit a bump in the road, you’d go surely lose your mind!
Anyone who’s been in a long-term relationship knows that each one is different. If you’re sexing it up after a quarter of a century with your partner, more power to you. If you’re happy with the comfort of a cuddle and a kiss to keep you going – great. In the long run, we all want someone who will make a good life companion. You don’t have to speak for them to know what’s going on, they’re there for the ups and downs in life and every once in a while you might get a lucky. May all you lifers have a Happy Valentine’s Day.
Let’s say you’re eager to make your mark on the job and impress your boss. When the opportunity arises for you to get noticed, you go for it. However, before you turn into a ‘yes, I can’ person, remember to manage your bosses expectations by being realistic about your own. So many of us get caught out making promises that we can’t deliver and no boss will be impressed with that. “Let’s revisit this is six months” is not what you want to hear when you’re sitting in your annual review. If you want to hear the words promotion and rise instead, here are a few fundamentals to help you keep reality in check.
- Clarity: Don’t assume anything. Make sure you know exactly what is expected of you when you take on a project. Be smart, take responsibility for getting the details right and making sure you and your boss are on the same page.
- Don’t make any assumptions. If you’re not sure about something, don’t hesitate to ask questions.
- Know what your key objectives are and if it’s a big project set goals. If you are a manager, delegate some work to your team and monitor their progress up to the final stages of delivery. Remember, the buck stops with you.
- Don’t go overboard. Do what’s asked of you and do it well. You can take the initiative to go above and beyond the call of duty, but run it by the boss first and only when you know you have the original task well and truly in hand.
- Communicate your progress, concerns and successes. Keep your boss in the loop via emails, phone calls, meetings – whatever is preferred. As long as you keep the lines of communication open you won’t get caught out.
- Be flexible: Being able to manage sudden change is a critical skill. Sometimes things don’t go according to plan and problems arise out of the blue. Being flexible will help you take it all in stride and find solutions through inspiration or collaboration.
- Plan B: Know what risks can stand in the way of your success. Always have a contingency plan. If you see things going wrong voice your concerns straight away while you have the opportunity to get back on track.
- Quiet confidence is a virtue. It’s great to be ambitious but no one likes a show off. Speak less and do more. Actions always speak louder than words.
Not living up to what we expect of ourselves can lead to stress, disappointment and sometimes depression as well. That is why it is so important to have realistic, well-considered goals and plans. If you keep it real, time measured and let go of excuses you will live up to your expectations . Don’t be discouraged when things don’t go as planned. Everything happens for a reason, and if you believe in yourself, you will end up where you’re supposed to be on your journey through life. Besides, you can learn a lot from a detour. Sometimes you have to go with the flow.
Great expectations are not realised over night. They need nurturing, cultivating and steely determination. You may even find your expectations and destinations change along the way, because that’s life.
I’m am shocked by the number of young people who haven’t got a clue about cooking, cleaning, basic accounting and common courtesy just to name a few life skills. We wonder why we see so many ill-equipped youth struggling to make their way in life, yet how many of us have taken the time to teach our children basic life skills?
My mom and dad worked full-time, demanding jobs. So, when we were very young, a university student baby-sat us until our parents returned from work in the evening. We were left orders to show her respect, do what she said and help around the house if necessary. By the time the youngest of us turned nine, the sitter was gone. Our parents put my older brother in charge and we were each assigned housekeeping jobs in addition to our school work and after school sports. The chores were on a rotation, so all of us learned how to clean the bathroom, vacuum and dust. My sister and I learned how to cook dinner, something I loved and my sister hated. Nonetheless, she still learned that basic necessity in life. Even my older brother could cook by the time he went to university.
We could not receive our small weekly allowance until our chores were completed and we were expected to budget that money until the next pay out. That was never easy for me! Still, that life lesson came in handy when the time came for me to pay my own bills. Furthermore, we were not allowed to go out and socialize until all housework and homework was completed. That taught us the lessons of management, responsibility and the rewards that come with doing your job properly.
These basic disciplines served me and my siblings well when we flew the nest and went out on our own. They are part of the fabric of our being. Evaluating some of the young people I work with today leads me to ask – has our fast paced existence, modern conveniences, and apathy left our children without the skills to cope with life in the long run? We do so much to ensure our children’s futures, but why don’t we guarantee they have the right tools for living? We buy them every mod-con we can afford, but forget about giving them life skills we can give for free. Young people need to understand that there are consequences for not being prepared in life. If they haven’t mastered the basics, they won’t have a proper foundation to build upon. At some point, their short comings will become a real disadvantage in life.
Training your kids at a young age is a real advantage. Life skills will quickly become habitual. It’s more difficult when they’re older and think they can control their lives before they’re capable; so, start early before they can question your motives.
I know it’s not easy to get our kids to help out around the house. I know we give into their demands because we’re too worn out to resist. But, it’s worth making them learn and earn, even if it causes friction on occasion. Personally, I’m for prying those mobile phones and computers out of their hands and replacing them with a mop and a frying pan a couple of times a week before they become teenagers and vanish from the house! Don’t forget who the boss is!
For those of you who can afford to or want to do everything for your kids, STOP NOW! A spoiled child always suffers in the end. Do them a lasting favour. Teach them proper life skills. They will thank you in the future. I am grateful for my parents every day.